White Fox & Yellow-Eyed Panther
White Moon Fox & Masked Yellow-Eyed Panther under the stars
There was a girl named White Fox, and White Fox travelled from Toronto to Los Angeles to New Mexico to attend Lynn Andrew's annual Joshua Tree event in May of 2011. In Toronto, White Fox came from a loving home where she lived with her partner Black Wolf and her horse Tinder. She also had two roommates who were expecting a newborn. White Fox and Black Wolf loved each other very deeply but some would say, they knew things would not last, for change was upon them.
Before White Fox left, Black Wolf had turn down a brief job contract to spend a little extra time with White Fox before she would be gone for two weeks. White Fox was slightly surprised but touched by this sentiment. White Fox and Black Wolf spent some precious moments together, typically a candle lit romantically home cooked dinner before her departure.
White Fox flew to Los Angeles and met her apprentice-mate Jaguar Dreamer, and together they set upon the road-trip to Ghost Ranch in New Mexico. They had arrived to Ghost Ranch just in time for the opening ceremony. They felt welcomed as it was nice to be back at Ghost Ranch with the Sisterhood of the Shields community. White Fox smiled at all the different friends beaming with her. One person especially caught her eye, for she was surprised to see him there. It was Yellow-Eyed Panther. He had just moved back to Toronto from British Columbia. They exchanged eye contact and smiles. She wasn't sure but she could feel his thoughts and energy feeling on her. White Fox decided to not look into anything at the moment and continued witnessing the acknowledgements of the hardworking community members among her.
The event continued with dinner and the first evening session in the Lower Pavilion. White Fox could feel Yellow-Eyed Panther's energy walking by and the slight moments of 'will we exchange hellos and hugs?' type feelings. These thoughts were unfamiliar and strange to White Fox. They felt novel and slightly awkward because White Fox was not sure if they were her feelings to own or his feelings she was picking up on. The encounters were endless as he was staying in the cabin room across from hers. Also he was 'around' smoking and 'available.' As White Fox was the casual, social, and curious kind, she would engage in the company and join him for a cigarette and conversation. They were friendly casual exchanges that White Fox did not look into because from White Fox's perspective at the time, she liked to offer friendly conversational company.
The first night, White Fox joined Yellow-Eyed Panther outside to watch the stars, and ask her roommate and friend Jaguar Dreamer to join. After sharing the moment, Jaguar Dreamer and White Fox went back to their cabin to rest for the night.
The next night, White Fox was killing time before her assigned time at Sacred Space. This time, the conversational exchange between White Fox and Yellow-Eyed Panther got deeper. Yellow-Eyed Panther had shared more deeply about where he was in his life about moving back home due to his medical conditions and what those affects did to him emotionally and romantically. He told White Fox a story about how he let go of his beloved partner unselfishly because he did not want to keep her waiting from a distance while he sorted out his own stuff. White Fox was very touched by this unselfish love. In response, she shared about the current romantic situation she found herself in, whereby her partner Black Wolf had a very selfish love for White Fox. Black Wolf could not let go of White Fox for any unselfish reason. He made it very clear about his uncompromising possessiveness and jealousy, which White Fox felt uncomfortable with and unsettled by. This stirred White Fox inside and she was inspired by Yellow-Eyed Panther's story. Yellow-Eyed Panther seemed pleased and somewhat pleased by White Fox's responding story in a ironically selfish way.
White Fox went off to Sacred Space and prayed for her comings. She could feel something was unfolding. The following night, White Fox decided to mind her own business and chose not to engage in further exchanges with Yellow-Eyed Panther.
However, the last night of the Joshua Tree event was the crystal fire ceremony and the touching of the Spirit Shields. After a beautiful ceremony spent with dancing, singing, and sacred kinetic interactions, White Fox finally began to walk back to her cabin alone. Not even midway back, she found Yellow-Eyed Panther sitting along the pathway having his trusty smoke. Feeling good, White Fox joined her friend and suggested they go for a walk. They walked towards the labyrinth area and enjoyed the stars. They exchanged medicine stories and power animal dreams. The connection was obviously growing stronger as they were very much enchanted by the cosmic landscape and magical energies that coursed through the entire event gathering. They laughed and felt a relationship solidifying by the exchanged stories and dreams, an inner knowing of keeping each other as sacred witnesses in manifesting their dreams. As they walked back, the closeness had come to a pinnacle point where they comfortably held hands. Yellow-Eyed Panther then stopped in his tracks to hold White Fox and asked if he could kiss her. Although White Fox was bedazzled by the loving connection and picturesque moment, White Fox held Black Wolf in her heart knowing his disapproval and felt a betrayal. Yellow-Eyed Panther knew White Fox was thinking 'No.' With a shake of the head, they left it at that. White Fox did feel the escalating moment with Yellow-Eyed Panther and voiced that she felt the same way but due to her commitments, it was not yet possible. As they returned to the cabin area, White Fox and Yellow-Eyed Panther's relation had blossomed from a casual acquaintance-like friendship to a very romantic and lustful relationship. They held hands, and exchanged desires of wanting there to be more. To avoid the air of disappointment, White Fox expressed that there was some need of change in her life.
They separated and bid goodnight. A surge of cosmic transformational energy ran through White Fox and Yellow-Eyed Panther that night. What is it that makes humanity engage with each other? What are the causes and consequences of these influences that we may have on each other? If we are mere reflections of each other, what is it about these external interactions that are needed to be presented in order to create surrounding change and transformations.
The next day, the romantic lustful connection between White Fox and Yellow-Eyed Panther lingered. The closing ceremony of the event commenced. Included was a picture of White Fox and Yellow-Eyed Panther on the presentation screen of the preceding event gathering.
It was hard to say goodbye and with a whisper about secret desires Yellow-Eyed Panther wanted to take White Fox into his cabin to consecrate their connection, White Fox gifted the blue and yellow Macaw feather she had been gifted to Yellow-Eyed Panther to represent their connection at Joshua Tree that year. As White Fox got into the passenger seat to leave Ghost Ranch with Jaguar Dreamer to drive back to Los Angeles, Yellow-Eyed Panther bid farewell to White Fox with a kiss on the hand.
Jaguar Dreamer commented on their 'cute' connection and White Fox felt warm and tingly inside. White Fox had mixed feelings about the changes she was to embark, treading a new unpremeditated path.
White Fox began the road-trip with Jaguar Dreamer floating in bliss from the novel romantic connection made with Yellow-Eyed Panther. But White Fox began digging deeper into her ultimate truth and transformation of moving away from her good enemies of jealousy and possessiveness. White Fox knew the ultimate causes of this whirlwind of events were manifested by the suppression of dealing with jealousy and possessiveness. Like a fiery phoenix, her inner freedom and sovereignty were longing to be expressed.
The journey back continued with disruptive news delivered to Jaguar Dreamer and getting lost hiking in one of Sedona's energy vortex boulder trails. They finally made it back to Los Angeles and bid good luck and farewell blessings!
When White Fox returned to Los Angeles, reunited with her sister, Angie, and cousin, Jennifer. White Fox noticed an interesting turn of events, manifesting a peculiar reflection. Angie had a surprise for White Fox and gifted her with her very first wand! It was charming! A mahogany typed stem with glittered glued Amnytheses as the spearhead. It had beautiful natural carvings in caterpillar like markings. White Fox was amazed to receive such a powerful gift from her beloved sister. Metaphorical to the metamorphic time.
It was a special and somewhat rare gathering with Jennifer present as the synchronistic visits coincided. Jennifer was going through a strange time where she was parting from a long time partner and lover due to the fact that she cheated on him with another man she knew from work! White Fox found this reflection all too similar to what she was going through; however not exact or extreme but still.
White Fox shared her situation with meeting Yellow-Eyed Panther and having Black Wolf at home. She took this opportunity to untangle her mixed feelings and complex happenings by expressing that she was afraid this was a long time coming, as Black Wolf had in a way held her back from her true being, confining her love within their relationship and disabling White Fox to do what she truly needs and feels, which is to love openly and freely. Ultimately, White Fox felt her love could not be bound to be expressed and shared only to one person. She felt in example that sharing a romantic moment and/or a kiss should not deplete loyalty or jeopardize a primary relationship such as with Black Wolf. She longed to have a partner who understood and respected that expressive and healing attributes White Fox seems to carry and have a partner who supports her in her unconditional and unselfish expression of love.
White Fox wondered about why people such as her cousin Jennifer 'cheat,' and why White Fox herself felt betrayal, cheated, and like a cheater, etc.
When White Fox returned home to Toronto, she had kept in touch with Yellow-Eyed Panther as they had promised. They kept their connection strong and Yellow-Eyed Panther verbalized a lot of reiteration of becoming a part of each other's lives now. A part of White Fox wanted this but a part of White Fox felt uncomfortable with moving into something else so serious with someone else while attached to someone else and also uncomfortable moving forward with a new relationship so soon. White Fox made no such agreements to do such a thing and tried to communicate this with her new friend Yellow-Eyed Panther to avoid any confusion or false lead ons.
When White Fox arrived home, she was greeted with her loving horse, Tinder and roommates who informed her that Black Wolf had gone fishing and would be back in two days. White Fox was nervous about making such changes with her beloved partner and was not looking forward to what she knew would disappoint him. She also started breaking down and crying as she felt the growing pains of emancipation.
When Black Wolf returned home, he looked forward to being reunited with his beloved White Fox. However, to his dismay, White Fox could not give him that connection he looked forward to as the connection had changed. He asked what was wrong and White Fox had to tell him what happened and how she felt. He was pretty shocked and disappointed. He did not get angry at first but was upset and verbalized his stern opinion of how White Fox manifested a situation like this. He pointed out that she manifested this connection with Yellow-Eyed Panther because Black Wolf and White Fox both knew this issue of this confining connection was under turbulence and needed to be resolved. Black Wolf was uncompromising with his jealous and possessive ways. White Fox did not want to separate from Black Wolf but needed the freedom to engage in loving affection with others such an open relationship. Their relationship had to end because there was no agreement. White Fox could not change her need for openness and Black Wolf did not wish to change his confining needs. It was a tragic time for both Black Wolf and White Fox for they had built a beautiful life together and shared dreams and goals they were seriously committed to achieve. But all that was to be lost. They held each other and cried that night.
The break had begun. The break for freedom. The break from holding oneself back.
They say, “Thunder only happens when it raining.” Thunder of transformation. The sweet cleanse and release of the rain.
White Fox was going through a lot of pain. As she came out to her surrounding loved ones about her new found change, they listened and supported her fears and challenges. Many commemorated her for her courage to making the stand against what did not serve her although that meant leaving a loving life behind. White Fox felt a lot of deep conflicting emotions and thoughts. White Fox felt guilt for hurting Black Wolf. She blamed herself for breaking up a 'happy home' included with her expecting roommates. White Fox felt fear for embarking the novel sovereign path set out in front of her. She now had the true freedom to accomplish what ever she wished, reflected by her new gifted wand.
One day, as White Fox was sitting in her backyard garden crying, birthing her new life with the pains of change, Yellow-Eyed Panther consoled White Fox over the phone. She was describing her pain in a way that did not make sense but Yellow-Eyed Panther excused them for expressing his desire to 'be there for her' as they were now integrating their lives together. White Fox felt slightly uncomfortable with this as she did not feel ready. She made it clear to Yellow-Eyed Panther that this change may have been catalysed by the connection made with Yellow-Eyed Panther but was in no way for Yellow-Eyed Panther. She did not mean for it to be mean but this was a primary marking of her actions for independence, opposed to acting for others any longer.
Life did not necessarily wait for White Fox either. There was not much room for wallowing or sulking or self-pitying slothing around, for White Fox was involved with a collective that was about to launch another epic gathering event. White Fox used this an opportunity to channel her potential energies for proper use and continued what she does best, love.
White Fox needed her space so she consciously told Yellow-Eyed Panther she was not ready for him to be present at such events. She was aware of the awkward and possibly disruptive energy it may present to her community, including Black Wolf, Black Wolf and White Fox's mutual friends, as White Fox did not feel or want her break up with Black Wolf to be represented by a potential new lover. Yellow-Eyed Panther was hurt or disappointed by this decision but kept an oath to White Fox of being patient and understanding. Yellow-Eyed Panther had a hard time being patient because on his end, he was ready and lustful. White Fox on the other hand was going through a huge transformation with many deep layers she was well conscious of.
That gathering White Fox helped commence was just what she needed. It fulfilled her needs and desire of giving to her community. She was able to receive and flow with her community's love without boundaries. She was reminded of the love that is possible that she dreamed, and all those possibilities. White Fox felt she was at a huge fork in the road. She not only saw two main forking roads, but countless paths available to her reflecting her availability. Many opportunities she had relinquished sprung back up as it was spring time!
After this remembering dream, she practiced active communication to Yellow-Eyed Panther by informing him about her revelations. She politely reminded him that she could not just jump into a serious relationship with him especially because they hardly know each other and she had many roads to explore. It was hard for Yellow-Eyed Panther to accept as he was simply wanting to fix that by spending time and getting to know White Fox. They went on a date for pizza and walk in the park and got to act out their desire through kissing and hugging. This was nice but perhaps lacked the initial charm of the Joshua Tree event in integration.
They again parted ways to return home to continued their separate lives. Yellow-Eyed Panhter was home-based dealing with his medical comings and White Fox was active in her community slowly embracing her new found changes. White Fox was quite stimulated by all her opportunities and potentiality. And because she did not want to fall back into the old patterns, what she would call “not taking the experience or lesson in vain,” she actively kept her options open and would not comply to any confining jealousy or possessiveness. White Fox tried to gently explain to Yellow-Eyed Panther that she had other friends whom she wished to spend time and connect with as now she had the sovereignty to do so. Yellow-Eyed Panther had a frustrating time with this as he ironically selfishly wanted White Fox, perhaps not just for himself but in order to further solidify a relationship with White Fox and was new to this open relationship idea.
Although White Fox was grateful for the transformative experience she shared with Yellow-Eyed Panther, she felt that he had paradoxically turned into mirroring relationship one similar to the one she had with Black Wolf, and she was not foolish enough to make the same mistake right after the other in such short time. White Fox offered to keep the connection and stay friends and be open to any possibilities. Yellow-Eyed Panther was resentful similar to Black Wolf but had no other choice but to respect White Fox's decision. White Fox hoped Yellow-Eyed Panther could learn as much as she had from these experiences and to “not take the experience or lesson in vain.”