When I began to unpack the topics of race, privilege, and oppression, I was also dating a mixed race, majorly cis gendered male, who had white privilege. His close circle of friends were primarily white or wore white privilege. I started to notice and ask myself why did I often feet uncomfortable entering this circle to join my lover in this circle. Could it be that I was just uncomfortable around people I didn't know as well? I could list and make up every possible reason. That would not negate the fact that I slowly became more aware that on some level, I felt unomfortable being the only person of colour present in the group. Was it because they were white supremists? Were they racist? What if there were at least one other person of colour in the group? What about a 90/10 or 80/20 ratio? Would I feel more comfortable then? Why was I so uncomfortable? Did I feel unsafe in any way?
There are a multitude of questions and possibilities to the scenario. This was my experience. My thought process of unpacking race as a noticable person of colour. Nobody was colourism. Nor racist to my face, often. Does that matter? What about when there were subtle moments of racism? What about the various awkward conversations I started to have with my lover being in this mixed race relationship?
To unpack my feelings towards being the only person of colour in the group, I will start by saying I am not saying I felt unsafe around these group of loving and pleasant group of white people per se. I will start by saying, when I go to a small town where the everyone around me is mostly white or I again notice I am the only person of colours in the room or group; yes, I admit to feeling uncomfortable. But why? It is hard to articulate, let alone fully analyze why. Perhaps it is because I feel the white people I'm surrounded by don't notice, don't question, don't know how it feels, don't experience the culture shock, don't recognize or acknowledge the privilege of the above listed reasons.
To be continued...................
Disclaimer: This blog started with the intention to simple share a perspective. Also to inspire congnitive exploration with questions, self and societial reflection on unpacking racism. It is duely noted, there are countless variables and points of view. Sharing this perspective is incredibly hard so it will come in pieces, sporadically, raw, and likely with spelling and grammar errors.
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